Examining Pre-Emptive Avoidance and Learning to Say Yes
Section 1 | How Much Do I Pre-Emptively Opt Out?
Rate each statement from 1 (never) to 5 (always). Be honest with yourself.
When an opportunity arises, my first instinct is to find reasons why it won't work.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I talk myself out of things before taking any concrete step toward them.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I assume I'll be rejected or fail, so I don't bother trying.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I use 'being realistic' as a reason not to pursue what I want.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I let others take opportunities that I privately wanted but didn't go for.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I feel relief — not disappointment — when a deadline passes without my attempting something.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I dismiss ideas, chances, or invitations quickly without fully considering them.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
I tell myself I'll try 'when the time is right' — and the time never becomes right.
1 = Not me 5 = Very me
The statement I related to most:
Section 2 | The Ways I Say No
Things I Tell Myself
Behaviors & Emotional Patterns
The area of life where I say no most quickly (career, relationships, creativity, health, adventure):
Section 3 | The Excuses I Give Myself
'I'm not ready yet.' — Do I use this? What is it really protecting me from? My more courageous response:
'I'm too busy right now.' — Do I use this? What is it really protecting me from? My more courageous response:
'What if I fail? It's not worth the risk.' — Do I use this? My more courageous response:
'People like me don't get opportunities like that.' — Do I use this? My more courageous response:
'I'll do it when things calm down / when I feel more confident...' — My more courageous response:
My own go-to excuse: _______ — Do I use this? What is it protecting? My more courageous response:
Section 4 | Where This Habit Came From
The earliest memory I have of opting out of something I actually wanted:
I learned to hold back because:
A belief about myself or the world that sits underneath my tendency to opt out:
Section 5 | What Saying No Has Cost Me
An opportunity I turned down — or let expire — that I still think about:
What I was protecting myself from by not going for it — and whether that protection was worth it:
What might be different in my life today if I had said yes:
Every time you say no before you've truly tried, you teach yourself that you aren't the kind of person who tries. That story is changeable. But only if you start telling a different one.